Self-compassion is thought of as giving yourself the same compassion you’d give others. That means that self-compassion involves comforting and taking care of yourself.
Joy Johnson, LCSW, author of The Self-Compassion Workbook, says that self-compassion includes skills like mindful awareness, self-acceptance, living your values, and loving-kindness.
When we have self-compassion, we can identify when we fail to meet our standards or live our values, but we don’t judge ourselves so much. That’s why self-compassion may help us increase our happiness and well-being.
Here are some exercises to help you increase self-compassion.
Research has shown that writing self-compassionate letters to ourselves can decrease depression and increase happiness. And it doesn’t have to be long!
In fact, you can start out with a sticky note…a quick thought to show loving-kindness to yourself.
It might be helpful to think of yourself as a young child or someone in need of kindness.
Building this skill (self-compassion) requires practice. Good job!
When you’re embroiled in negativity, try to imagine a blue sky with fluffy clouds.
Attach each of those negative thoughts to a cloud and see them as they move away.
This exercise can help you see that negativity can fade away and potentially be replaced with positivity.
When you’re being self judgy, take this opportunity to stand up for yourself against your inner critic.
Ask yourself, why are you saying these negative things to yourself?
Are you being unfair to yourself?
How would you stand up to a bully who said those things to someone you cared about or a small child?
See if you can use these types of questions to fight against those self-critical thoughts.
Our entire lives, people have told us that we “should” do things. This leads us to talk to ourselves the same way.
But that’s not helpful and often times not even true!
We are basically just judging ourselves for doing things differently than someone else might.
So see if you can stop using the word “should” in your internal monologues.
Remember, AWARENESS, is the first step. So bringing awareness to how many times you ‘should’ yourself will alone, begin to shift the energy of this internal dialogue.
Loving-kindness meditation, which is usually directed towards others, has been shown to benefit our well-being.
But there is no reason we can’t direct this towards ourselves when we are feeling sad.
Here is a loving-kindness exercise to try, just try to direct some of that love towards yourself.
Sometimes we just need to take a quick self-compassion break.
Maybe we’re self-judging or being harsh or unkind to ourselves.
By stopping everything for a little break where we are nice to ourselves, we can hopefully turn things around.
Try this self-compassion break activity for more guidance.
Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Maybe because we feel guilty for doing something that was out of character or because we felt pressure to act a certain way.
But when we dive deeper, we can ask ourselves, what is this here to teach me? Why did this show up this way? What is my takeaway?
Sometimes, all we can do is apologize (if necessary) and move on.
Although it’s not always easy, forgiving ourselves can help us be happier and move past difficulties.
Here are some more specific steps to help you forgive yourself.
Self-compassion is an important skill for helping us improve our self-worth and self-confidence…and who couldn’t use more of both these days?
So give these self-compassion exercises a try to see if they help you.
And as always, reach out and let me know what resonated for you!
Shapira, L. B., & Mongrain, M. (2010). The benefits of self-compassion and optimism exercises for individuals vulnerable to depression. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 5(5), 377-389.
Hutcherson, C. A., Seppala, E. M., & Gross, J. J. (2008). Loving-kindness meditation increases social connectedness. Emotion, 8(5), 720. Chicago